Laundry Basket
by RavenRockMind
Summary: A random day in Prince Sadist's life. Rated T just in case.


**Author's Note: First Gintama fic! A Sougo-centered oneshot to practice writing, really random. And mean REALLY random. Just one random day in Prince Sadist's life. ****Review if you read.**

It was time to pick up the laundry, and after Sougo threateningly excused Yamazaki from his task, he strolled down the hallways, putting his evil scheme into action. Now that Hijikata was out on patrol, he managed to plant a bomb in his room by the excuse of picking up his laundry. After he finished with that, he got to Kondo's room and decided to snoop around a little. Last time he was there, he found a very interesting book that made a smile cock on his lips every time he came across its cover, which depicted two ghostly white arms holding an apple. If he was as lucky as last time, he'd find something to use for blackmail again. He kneeled to look under the bed, that's where most of the things one would want to hide were, he even found his sister's underwear under Hijikata's bed once, and that certainly wasn't pleasing. He smiled as his hand landed on something hard. As he pulled it out, the hard object turned into a yellow dust-covered book. He brushed the dust off with his sleeve and the title became clear; 'Girls for Dummies'. The evil smirk he held back all day, shined on his face. _This was blackmail material, starting now._ His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps that got closer to the room every second; Sougo kept calm and threw the book in the bottom of the laundry basket. The big 'gorilla' man entered the room, Sougo was already holding up a pair of jeans, trying to guess of whether they were worth washing or not. Kondo was kind of surprised to see him there and asked for an explanation.

"Oh, didn't Yamazaki tell you?"

He asked wearing his most stoic expression, as if to indicate that Kondo had missed out something important.

"He had badminton practice, so he asked me to fill in for his laundry duties today."

His senior seemed to think about how valid his excuse was for a while; Sougo didn't even seem to care though. Kondo-san was quite naive, he could buy almost anything, even if it didn't make sense sometimes, all he had to do is to come up with something believable. Not that he couldn't get away with it, but he'd rather not cause problems to Kondo, at least not so straight forward.

"But I just saw Yamazaki in the common room…"

Sougo's eyes shot open.

"What? …He didn't go to badminton? Then why did he still let me do the laundry?"

Kondo, immediately deceived by the boy's acting skills, wanted to comfort Sougo right away and also save Yamazaki's sorry ass in the process.

"Ah… Relax! I'm sure Yamazaki was on his way to tell you, his practice might have been cancelled the last moment, don't worry!"

The man laughed sheepishly, trying to calm Sougo without getting Yamazaki into trouble. Just as planned, nodded Sougo mentally, he would never suspect anything.

"You know what, give me the clothes, I'll take care of it for you."

Sougo shook his head to the offer.

"No, I'll take these to the wash room. You should talk to Yamazaki though; he should take care of the rest. It's his job, right?"

Kondo nodded. He was immediately so proud of himself for raising Sougo to be so logical and forgiving. Sougo let a sigh, almost aware of that. Tricking the man was so easy it wasn't healthy for him. Sure, it didn't matter so much now; the only loser in this game was Hijikata ...and maybe Yamazaki as well. But recalling the disaster that Itou has once caused in the Shinsengumi, correction... he didn't care of what happened to the _Shinsengumi_, he was just glad he was around to get rid of the trash that dared threaten _Kondo-san_. He blinked a couple of times, forgetting that incident for the time being and seizing the chance to leave the room now, already thinking of ways to get back at Yamazaki for staying at the Headquarters. That stupid badminton freak, didn't he give him a break from work, why did he stay? Anyway, he had to get rid of the laundry basket first, that bastard Hijikata would be coming back from patrol anytime now and he, unlike Kondo, would find Sougo's sudden urge to be useful fishy, _really fishy_. So with the laundry in place, he went back to his room to hide the book and just as he opened the door, Hijikata's yell echoed in the Headquarters, making the entire facilities tremble.

_"YAMAZAKIIIIII!!"_

The poor guy ran down the hall with the Vice-Captain chasing after him. Sougo hesitated there observing for a while, well at least Yamazaki was going to get what he deserved, and he didn't have to butt in to help Hijikata beat him up. And the soon-to-be-a-goner Vice Captain was back, the red eyes of the blond lighted up with pleasure only considering the little surprise he had prepared for him. There's nothing he'd love to see more than Hijikata's head handed to him in a silver plate, with mayonnaise on top, to make it more ironic. He turned back to his room and decided to take a look inside Kondo-san's book, just to kill some time while he waited for Hijikata to get in his room and perhaps really die this time.

He flipped through the pages of the yellow book, scanning it for a while before he actually decided to read it. He sat down, resting his back on the wall and began to read the book's contents. Trying hard to understand what anyone had to earn from it. If a girl doesn't like you for who you are then why bother at all? He mocked in his head, no wonder why Kondo-san is reading it though, Onee-san is always playing hard to get, he must be pretty desperate. Sougo's worry started to grow line after line he read, up to now he had been doing the exact opposite of what the book pointed out. He quickly closed it before he gave in to the temptation to burn it.

The explosion he was waiting for, finally shook the building, he smirked and took his time to stand up, wear his worried face and go check if Hijikata was still alive. He'd pretend this was a terrorist attack, that's what most of the Shinsengumi members would assume. He got out of his room and walked down the hall with several of his comrades running past him, towards the debris and yelling. And there he was, still alive and kicking, the Shinsengumi Vice-Captain, mad as hell and ready to cut down the one responsible for this. Sougo cursed.

He just couldn't die, could he?

**The End!**


End file.
